


Cigarette Ties

by stuckinareverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, M/M, Romance, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckinareverie/pseuds/stuckinareverie
Summary: Armitage Hux moves to a new neighbourhood after inheriting a new house from his late grandfather. Little does he know his life is about to change after he meets two very strange men.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy! So, this is pretty much my first story I have ever written ever (and of course I decide to write Kylux stuff) so I’m super sorry if my writing is a bit weird or anything like that. Any constructive criticism is much appreciated!! Also, I apologise for any grammar errors or any mistakes I have made since I wrote this at 3 am. Also, I do not mean to make anxiety and smoking sound good. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression don’t be afraid to reach out :). Enjoy!!

Armitage Hux is what one would call an introvert. He sits at home either painting or drawing and will only leave the house if he needs new groceries or for when he must attend his art classes. When Armitage turned twenty-three his grandfather had passed away and left his house to Armitage. The house barely had anything in it, the wallpaper was peeling and most of the things in the house had broken down however, although the house was pretty much run down, it was situated in a very friendly neighbourhood. To most people this would have been a pain to deal with, but to Armitage it was a blessing. He was able to stay away from the outside world by cooping up inside working on his new home.

Over the past four years Armitage had begun to develop a habit of smoking. He knew that it was harmful and that he had a higher risk of developing diseases, but he just couldn’t get over that sensation of the smoke filling his lungs. To him, smoking was the only thing holding him down to earth, that was until he discovered his love for painting. Armitage had begun attending art classes after he had fully renovated the house. He’s very passionate about painting, he would spend any spare time he had with a paintbrush in one hand, and a cigarette in the other.

It was one strange afternoon where Armitage had the urge to take a walk outside. It was chilly outside, and the seasons had just finished transitioning into Autumn from Summer. He wore a pair of black boots, jeans, and a jacket. The only thing he carried with him was a packet of cigarettes, a lighter, and his keys. It wasn’t uncommon for him to leave his phone at home, he hated being distracted from appreciating his surroundings, and he didn’t really have anybody to talk to anyways.

It was a quiet day, as if everybody had decided to stay inside the only day he had wanted to go out, which wasn’t an issue at all. Armitage had stopped walking when he found himself standing in front of a small café called ‘Evie’s’. There was a small blackboard standing next to the doorway, ‘help wanted’ was written in blue chalk on the board. He stood there for a while, he knew that eventually he would have to get a job since he was still financially dependant on his parents, but he felt terrified of what was to come out of starting work that heavily requires communication.

Armitage was lost in his train of thought and had lost track of the amount of time he spent standing outside the doorway until he heard the door open. A woman who looked to be around her fifties walked out.

“Hello young man, are you interested in helping us out?” She asked. Armitage swallowed hard, feeling his throat grow dry. It was about time that he tried to stand on his own two feet and begin to live a little more. He cleared his throat and looked at her.

“Yes, miss I am” He said. Her face lit up in an instant, her already wide smile grew even wider and warmer. She waved her hand asking him to follow her into the café.

“My name’s Evie, I’ve owned this café since I was in my late twenties after my mother had gotten ill and passed it onto me." She said. She grabbed a jug of water and two glasses then pulled out two chairs next to the window. Armitage sat down opposite her and held onto his glass of water as if it were the only thing keeping him alive.

“So” Evie begun “Why are you interested in this job Mr...”

“Armitage Hux” He anxiously replied. “Well, I need this job to get my life together. I had just moved in a few weeks ago, and I saw you needed some help, so I immediately thought I should apply.” Armitage was nervous that she would see straight into his head. He was afraid she would see how afraid he was. She tilted her head a bit to the side and smiled. He hadn’t paid much attention to her appearance. She had wavy, brown hair that went down to her shoulders, green eyes, and very fair skin. She only had slight wrinkles in her forehead, and laugh lines but other than that she looked to be quite young.

“Well Mr Armitage Hux, looks like you’re hired” She said, “I expect you here on Mondays through to Wednesdays at eight am every morning. Oh and also, we close up shop at five in the evening.” Armitage felt a wave of relief wash over him. He had just gotten his first job. “I’ve got some business to take care of, so you can go back to what you were doing, dear.” Evie said. Armitage nodded and said a thank you with a smile before walking out. He begun walking home, his steps feeling lighter than a feather.

Armitage had reached the front of his house, a cigarette between his lips and his keys in hand. He felt as if someone was watching him, so naturally, he turned around, but nobody was there. He felt a bubble of fear rise up his throat but he pushed it down, he was far too happy with getting a new job to be disturbed. He made his way inside his home and stamped out his cigarette in the ash tray on a table near the doorway.

It was about ten o’clock when Armitage finished eating his dinner. He had made pasta bolognaise as a treat for getting a new job, and of course, he had a cigarette after dinner. By the time he had finished getting ready for bed it was eleven o’clock. He thought about going to work the next day, he thought about meeting his co-workers, he thought about having to deal with people he wasn’t familiar with, and for once, this didn’t bother him at all. He laid in bed and closed his eyes, letting the thoughts take over until he slowly drifted off to blissful sleep.

When Armitage woke up he anxiously scrambled out of bed, afraid that he had accidentally slept in. He looked over to the clock on his bedside table reading ‘6 o’clock’ and he sighed. He slowly made his way downstairs into the kitchen and begun making breakfast. Two slices of toast, scrambled eggs, a cup of coffee and a cigarette for after he's finished eating, one of the best ways to start a morning.

His mind began to wander as he ate his breakfast. He wondered how many people worked at the café and if he would be the only one working there. He shook his head, obviously he wouldn’t be the only one there, there would obviously have to be people working the separate roles, right? Panic had begun to creep its way into his mind and he felt a rock drop in his stomach. His shaky hand held on tight to a piece of toast, slowly crushing it, a stream of crumbs falling from his hand. With his eyes tightly squeezed shut he began to breathe in deeply, trying to calm himself down as much as he can.

After a few deep breaths he begins to regain control of himself. He puts the dishes away and grabs his phone, turning it on and switching to the music app to play some soft music to help calm himself a little more. While getting ready for work he begins going over the things he needed to bring with him in his head. His phone, his keys, his wallet. _Phone, keys, wallet. Phone, keys, wallet. Phone, keys, wallet_. He went on with the list in his head until he was out the door and on his way to the café.

He kept his eyes trained on the ground, focusing on trying to keep his cool so he wouldn’t freak out on the first day. He found that he came a bit early and that the café was still closed, so he reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He felt around in his pocket, but he couldn’t find them He began to frantically search the pockets in his jacket, but he had no luck. That was until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

He turned around to find a man standing behind him. He was intimidated by his height. His hair was dark and wavy, and his eyes were a deep brown. He looked to be around his mid-twenties. Armitage felt a loss for words, it felt as if time had stopped and he could just lose himself in those eyes. The man cleared his throat, snapping Armitage out of his trance, then he held up a cigarette.

“Did you want one?” He asked. Armitage nodded and reached out for it, placing it between his lips. The man lit the cigarette with a silver lighter then lit a cigarette for himself. “My name’s Ben, I work as a waiter here” he said nodding towards the café.

“My name Armitage Hux, I just started today” He replied.

“Well, Hux, I look forward to working with you” Ben said. He looked as if he couldn’t care any less about the conversation.

“Uh actually my first name is Armitage” He said, his face slightly turning red.

“Hux is easier so say. Not as lengthy” Ben replied, taking a drag from his cigarette. Armitage nodded to himself then proceeded to smoke in silence. Armitage felt something in his heart, it felt like some sort of spark. He ignored it.

The day wasn’t too busy. Armitage helped wait the tables with Ben and was the last to leave. He made his way home after closing up the shop and got ready for bed. He was far to tired to have dinner or do anything else. He laid in bed staring up at the ceiling with his eyes half closed. All he could think about was Ben. He thought about the way he smoked, the warm smile he wore when talking to customers and those big beautiful brown eyes. Armitage mentally scolded himself for thinking about him, Ben probably has a girlfriend anyways.

Armitage turned to lay on his side then drifted off to sleep. Hoping that he will see Ben again tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Hope you guys like it!! :)

_“hello?” Armitage called out. It was dark and all he could hear was the echoing of footsteps. “Is there anybody there?” Armitage asked. The footsteps grew louder and louder until they stopped behind him. He felt a hand creep up from behind him to cover his mouth, then he felt a sudden warmth consuming him. There was a sudden sound of a match being struck, then a small flame formed before his eyes. He was mesmerised by the beauty of the flame._

_Another hand found its way around Armitage’s neck, slowly applying pressure. Strangled chokes erupted from his throat, he threw his hands up to his neck hoping to pull away the hand tightening around his throat. He soon realised that there wasn’t a hand there. He begun thrashing around, kicking, and taking swings at the air however, he couldn’t release himself. His vision begun to fade, and it felt as if his soul was slipping away._

-

Armitage bolted upright in his bed, his whole body drenched from head to toe in a pool of sweat. His breathing slowed down, and he held his hands to his face. _It was just a dream_ , he thought to himself reassuringly. Armitage looked over to the clock, it was only five in the morning, leaving him plenty of time to begin his morning routine with extra time to brood in the shower and have a cigarette or two.

Dragging himself out of bed, Armitage made his way to his bathroom, his muscles groaning in response to the sudden movement. He slowly opened the bathroom door and turned on the sink, blurry eyes made their way up to the mirror. There was a dark purple bruise in the shape of a hand, wrapped around his neck. His eyes widened at the sight of the bruise, _was what happened last night real?_ He asked himself. His heart beat began speeding up, his breaths getting shallower and faster. _Was someone in my room?_ He questioned himself. He felt his legs grow weak and his knees buckle sending him straight to the ground.

Attempts made to push himself up back up onto his feet had failed. He in a helpless heap on the floor. Black started to flood his vision, all he could hear was his heart beat in his ears and a ringing noise. His body completely collapsed on the floor. His heart beat had slowed down, and his breathing was slow and steady, then everything turned black. During all the panic, he didn’t notice that there was a person that moved to stand at the bathroom door.

-

_Armitage opened his eyes to find himself back in the darkness, except this time he was free to move. He took a few uneasy steps forward until he found a steady walking pace. ‘might as well try looking for a way out’ he thought. He continued walking onwards in a straight line, his footsteps reverberating through the room and up his spine. He walked on for what felt like forever, yet he didn’t find any way out._

_His legs were getting tired and he was in desperate need of a rest. His steps slowed down to an eventual halt, but the sound of footsteps didn’t stop. The footsteps picked up speed to what sounded like a sprint heading straight towards Armitage. He began to sprint himself, his fight or flight instinct taking over, giving him the motivation to pull himself across the darkness._

_He kept running and didn’t look back. For all he knew the thing chasing him could possibly be a monster capable of tearing him to shreds. His legs were burning, and he felt lactic acid bubble up in his stomach, he couldn’t run for much longer, but he kept going. That was until he saw him, just a few feet in front of him. He slowed his pace down to a walk until he was standing right before him. Until there were just a few inches between them. ‘Ben’ Armitage thought. He felt small and insignificant standing in front of Ben’s large frame. Armitage’s blue eyes met his deep brown ones. His blue eyes communicating his emotions without the need for words. Confusion and fear._

_He felt two hands on both sides of his cheeks, the only difference now was the hands being solid and visible. He felts like he could get lost forever in Ben’s eyes, as if they could just swallow him whole and he wouldn’t mind a damn bit. All he wanted was to feel his full lips on his. As if he had read his mind, Ben slowly leaned in, their faces barely an inch away. Ben smelt strongly of tobacco, and whiskey. Armitage wanted to hang there for eternity, he never wanted to leave this moment._

_Ben leaned in closer then pressed their lips together and they both closed their eyes. Just like that all of Armitage’s fears, doubts, and worries just evaporated, as if they didn’t even exist in the first place. It had felt as if his world just fell apart around him and all he could do was get more lost in the warmth of his lips. For the first time in a very long time, Armitage felt safe and calm. He knows that when he opens his eyes is moment will end, but he can’t stop himself from opening them._

-

Through the window of Armitage’s bedroom, he could see the sun setting. He could see the marvellous mix of colours along with the sun on the horizon. It was seven o’clock. He felt the ghost of the warmth from Ben’s lips. He could still feel his hands on his face. A sudden feeling hit him, something had sparked inside him. He had an epiphany. Although it seemed crazy of him, he felt a strong attraction to Ben, it wasn’t something he had ever felt before.

All the lights in the house were out. Once the sun fully set, Armitage was plunged into darkness. After spending most of his day in the dark he wanted to turn on every single light in the house until it turned into a beacon. But then he wondered, _what if I’ll find Ben in the darkness?_ He pondered the thought for a moment, and finally decided to leave the lights off. He had laid in bed for around an hour until his stomach started growling at him, urging him to get up and eat _something._

Armitage made his way down to the kitchen, his bare feet felt cold as ice on the dark hardwood floor. He could still feel the warmth of Ben’s lips on his own, he felt his heart flutter when he thought of him. The very thought of being attracted to another man had scared him, the fear grew larger and larger within him but somehow couldn’t overtake the amount of... Something. This emotion, is very foreign to Armitage, he had never felt anything like it before. He had seen this… Thing, shared between couples, friends and family, he had felt it before however, it never held a real meaning up until now.

He shook his head as if he was trying to shake the thoughts out of his head and opened the fridge. All that was left was leftover pasta from the previous night, leaving him no choice but to have leftovers. _Better pick up some food after class tomorrow_ he thought. While his dinner was getting heated up in the microwave he called Evie to apologise for not showing up.

“Oh hello, Armitage!” Evie said happily, “we missed you today.” Her tone suddenly changing from cheerful to concerned.

“About that, I wanted to apologise for missing work today. I wasn’t… Feeling too well” Armitage hoped she couldn’t hear the hesitation in his voice.

“That’s alright. Ben told me you weren’t feeling too great today” Evie said. “You better get some rest now. If you ever need anything I’m only a phone call away.”

“Thank you, I’ll see you next week then” Armitage replied, happy that the call was coming to an end.

“Of course, dear” Evie said, then hung up. Armitage felt relief knowing that Evie wasn’t upset at him for not showing up. _How did Ben know I wasn’t feeling well?_ He thought, _and what did she mean by ‘we’ missed you, did Ben miss me too?_ A blush graced his pale cheeks and he felt himself warm up. There’s that feeling again.

After finishing his dinner, he felt the need to go outside for a while to have a smoke. He figured he needed it after all that had happened. He slipped on a pair of boots sitting at the front door and a jacket over his shoulders then stepped outside. A gust hit his face, a refreshing change from being inside all day. He sets himself down on a wooden bench a few feet away from his house and lit a cigarette, he’d been craving one all day.

“Mind if I join you?” A deep voice asked. Armitage turned around to face a tall blond-haired man. He had deep set blue eyes, full lips, and a nose turned pink from the cold. There was a cigarette sticking out the corner of his mouth. “My name’s Noah” He said as he sat down next to Armitage.

“I’m Armitage” he replied, looking up at him. Noah was only a slight bit taller than him when sitting down.

“Pleasure to meet you, Armitage” Noah replied with a smile. They sat there, smoking in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence, it was more of a comfortable silence, the kind of silence Armitage enjoyed. Armitage glanced over at Noah, he studied the way bits of his blond hair would fall into his eyes and how his lips would press tightly together when he sucked smoke in. He just couldn’t help staring at him. _Shit, he’s beautiful_. A chuckle erupted from Noah.

“You know if you’re going to stare at me, you might as well try to do a better fucking job of hiding it” Noah said, looking over to Armitage.

“Sorry” Armitage replied, a blush dusting his cheeks.

“You know, things are gonna be a hell of lot more different now that you’re here” Noah said while blowing out smoke.

“What do you mean?” Armitage questioned

“Well, you’ll definitely learn that something in this neighbourhood will crush your soul and ruin you” Noah leaned in closer to Armitage’s face. “And you know what?” He blew out smoke into his face, “it’s gonna be real damn soon.” A smirk graced Noah’s lips. “Or maybe, it’s already happened. Maybe you’ve already found this soul crusher. But who the hell knows, it’s not like I give a shit anyways.”

Armitage could hear his heart in his ears, his eyes filled with fear. _Is he going to hurt me?_ He asked himself. Suddenly the sound of a woman screaming in fear came from the house on the other side of the road. Their heads snapped to the source of the blood curdling sound, and then that’s when they saw him. Ben. He stormed out the front door of the house. Armitage couldn’t tell what colour his clothes were, he could only see red.

Ben stopped in his tracks and turned look at Armitage and Noah. He stood there for a few seconds then sprinted off. “Good luck, Hux” Noah said while messing up Armitage’s hair and walking away. He quickly got up and dashed to his house, fearing he would be the next person to produce a terrifying shriek. _What in the hell is going on? How did he know my last name? And why does everyone keep calling me by my last name?_ He asked himself this repeatedly until he safely got inside.

The mere thought that Ben could have killed someone was terrifying. Even more so that nobody bothered to get help after hearing that woman scream. Scrambling for a piece of paper and a pen Armitage wrote ‘go to the grocery store after art class’ then placed the piece of paper on top of his sketch book so he wouldn’t forget.

 _It’s getting late_ he thought, then made his way up to bed. Even though he had spent all day unconscious he felt as if he should make himself sleep so he could just forget about what just happened. He made sure to lock every door and window in the house, the random bruises appearing on his body made him feel like his life was in danger. He laid in bed, reassuring himself that nobody would break in. Eventually the world began to fade, his breathing found a steady pace, and he drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Weary blue eyes pried themselves open. The red headed man never would’ve thought a night without dreams would’ve been so comforting, and peaceful. He was glad that he didn’t have another dream of Ben. He was grateful that he didn’t, but he also longed to see him again, to feel him and breathe him in. Ben was like his living and breathing Valium.

Armitage sat in front of a cup of coffee, too disturbed by what he had saw the previous night to have and appetite for food. Not that there was any food to eat anyways. One cup of coffee and five minutes of staring into open space later, a cigarette found it’s way into his mouth. It burned more than usual, it tasted bitter and metallic. His neck still felt sore every time he moved his head, but it wasn’t as bad as before. _Looks like its another turtleneck sweater today_ he thought to himself.

Suddenly, he felt eyes on him, staring into the back of his head. He whipped his head around and there was nothing there. Disturbed, he went to quickly get changed so he could leave the house as soon as he can.

An hour later Armitage was climbing stairs up to his art class. The building that the classes took place in looked like it came right out of Amsterdam. The building had large windows, steep stairs, and a very slender door. A massive hook hung from the top of the building, he supposed it was for pulling furniture up and down the various levels of the building, since obviously nothing would fit through the doorways apart from people.

He hadn’t properly gotten to know the people in his class, he would mainly just keep to himself and paint whatever was placed on the table before him. Everyone was practically a stranger to him, but not quite a stranger. They were more like familiar strangers. They were people that he knew but wouldn’t go further than small talk with them.

The instructor who run the art classes goes by the name of ‘Thomas’. Despite his intimidating size, he’s quite friendly. Armitage thought of him as a ‘friendly giant’ who wouldn’t dare harming a fly. He’s got a deep brown beard which is longer than the actual hair on his head, – but matching in colour – hazel eyes, and a very sad yet understanding look which was constantly plastered onto his face.

Today the table was replaced with a mannequin with its hands on its hips and the easels that usually held canvases, were replaced with desks and chairs. As usual, Armitage was the first to arrive. He slumped into one of the chairs and opened his sketchbook. He hated drawing bodies, hands especially, he didn’t actually know what it was that made them so difficult to draw, they were just so damn annoying to draw.

People started to slowly fill up the room, taking their places at a desk. Thomas was the last to walk in. he cleared his throat, then greeted the class. “Today we will be practising how we draw the form of a body using this mannequin”. Thomas said while gesturing towards the mannequin. “You will have to examine the way the light falls onto the various parts of the body, and how it casts a shadow” he explained. “That’s all we will be doing today. You may start” he finished with a smile.

Armitage loved classes where he wasn’t required to do too much work. He could just get lost in his thoughts while doing whatever he was supposed to do. It’s always the perfect opportunity for him to work through his thoughts and emotions. Time had also seemed to pass faster when he was occupied with his thoughts.

An hour had quickly passed by and everyone had just begun packing up their belongings. Armitage had been absent-mindedly drawing in his sketchbook, not realising he drew something a bit… Different to what he was supposed to draw. He quickly shut his book and stuffed it under his arm, his face growing hot with embarrassment. Thomas looked over at him, raising an eyebrow in a questioning manner. Armitage put on a panicked expression then ducked out of the class.

 _I need to get my shit together_ Armitage told himself. He really needed to start getting a grip on reality before he turns crazy. _Maybe I should confront Ben? Maybe talking to him about what I saw might get my mind straight?_ He thought to himself. He tucked his sketch book away in his backpack then stuck his pale hands into his hoodie pockets.

The sun was still high in the sky, giving Armitage a generous amount of time to go to the supermarket and stock up on foods that he desperately needed. Luckily for him the distance between the supermarket and the building where his art classes are held is very short. It took him about five minutes to get there when walking.

Armitage wasn’t very familiar of grocery shopping, since usually he would have other people doing it for him. He grew up in a quite well-off family, in a big home, even though only him and his two parents lived there. His parents had always been a little bit _too_ ignorant about everything, for example they never paid much attention to Armitage when he was a child, and they never cared about his performance in school. Although this benefitted him by teaching him to be much more independent and aware of what he was doing, he felt very alone for most of his life, and he felt as if something was missing.

As Armitage walked out the supermarket doors, he felt eyes on him again. It was like what he had felt earlier on in the morning, but a bit more intense. He turned his head to look behind him to find nothing which left him, strangely disappointed. Usually the last he would want was to be stalked but he couldn’t help but feel like he _needed_ to know what the source of this feeling was. He began to walk back to his house, a bag full of food in each hand.

-

Armitage kicked off his shoes at the door, then made his way to the kitchen. He put the groceries away then opened a few windows in the living room. He needed to get some fresh air to refresh his mind and distract him from that feeling of being watched. After he had opened a few windows he sat himself down on the couch in the living room and grabbed his phone to play some music.

He thought that he could be having these strange feelings of being watched from living on his own. Or perhaps it was because of his suspicion that a murderer was living in his neighbourhood that could have made him feel that way. Either way, this freaked him out a little more than he would like it to. He just hoped to whatever god there was for there not to be a killer preying on him.

He sat there for a while, losing track of time. A knock on the front door pulling him back to reality. His body felt stiff from sitting in the same position for too long, making standing up a bit of a challenge. When he opened the front door, he felt a weight drop in his stomach. Ben was standing there with his hands in his pockets. “Beautiful” Armitage mumbled to himself.

“What was that?” Ben asked. _Oh, crap did I just say that out loud,_ Armitage panicked.

“O-oh nothing!” Armitage nervously shifted on his feet, trying to cover up what he just said. He was afraid that Ben would sense his fear of him. “What brings you here?”

“Just wanted to hang out. Everybody in this damn town is too fucking boring, so I thought I might try you out”, Armitage felt a bit of a shock hearing Ben swear so casually. _How could such ugly words come out of a mouth that beautiful_ he thought.

“Uh, yeah that, sure, yes that sounds great”. Armitage replied. Ben raised an eyebrow at him and crossed his arms. “What did you have in mind?”

“I dunno, I wanted to just sit outside with someone. There’s a nice spot I know close to the forest behind my house”. Alarms were ringing in Armitage’s head, screaming for him to say no and slam the door in Bens face.

“Okay, sounds good”. Armitage said with a smile. “I’ll just, uh, grab my coat.” He remained with a calm expression on his face, but in his head, he was screaming at himself for accepting the invitation. _Right, I’m going to the forest to hang out with a potential killer. Just great._

The walk was very quiet, they barely looked at each other, let alone talk. They had settled right at the edge of the forest. As soon as Ben sat down he had a cigarette in his mouth and a lighter in hand. “You want one?” He offered. Ben reached out with the cigarette packet like he was offering food to a scared animal.

“Yes please” Armitage pulled one out of the packet and put it in his mouth. Ben leaned forward, and Armitage could hear his pulse in his ears. Then the click of a lighter was heard, and his cigarette was lit. Ben closed his eyes and took a long, unhealthy drag from his cigarette, then leaned back against a tree stump. Armitage watched him closely, admiring his features as he blew out smoke.

“So” Ben started, “I just wanted to clear something up about the other night” he continued. “Some asshole set up a bucket full of animal blood on the top of my bedroom door” he paused and took another puff of his cigarette, “the shriek was… a friend of mine. She walked in on me covered in blood”.

“I see” Armitage looked down to the ground. He felt a pang of jealousy in his chest. _What’s with that pause?_ _Is she his girlfriend?_

“I’m also sorry for storming out of the house and glaring at you I guess” He tilted his head back to look up at the sky. “Naturally you’d get rather upset when…” He paused for a second then looked back to make eye contact with Armitage, “When some asshole tries to prank you” there was a hint of hostility in his voice that made Armitage’s hairs stand on end. He ignored it and nodded silently in agreement. Ben looked down and focused on his cigarette.

“Did you know that man, Noah?” Armitage questioned. “He’s quite stra-“

“Stay the fuck away from him” Ben cut him off, his voice full of anger. “He’s no good. He’ll do whatever the fuck he can to fuck up your life” Ben was unaware that he was crushing his cigarette through his fingers until Armitage spoke up.

“W-what did he ever do to you to make you so mad?” Armitage cursed himself for stuttering so much. The last thing he wanted was for Ben to know that he was still a bit scared of him.

“That prick squeezed himself into my life and he…” Ben went silent. “Let’s just say that son of a bitch took something from me that I didn’t have any intention of giving to him, then he walked straight out of my life when I needed him the most”. Ben raised a shaky hand through his hair and took a puff from his cigarette.

Curiosity sparked in Armitage’s heart, but he knew better than to pry into someone’s private matters. Especially if it caused him to recall painful memories.

“Look, just stay away from him okay? Unless you wanna get hurt, you better keep your distance”. Ben’s deep brown eyes stared deep into Armitage’s soul.

“I understand” Armitage replied, flicking off the ashes from his cigarette. The sun had started to set, turning the blue sky a beautiful orangey pink. Armitage looked up and he could see some stars coming into view.

Ben suddenly pulled out a small silver flask out from his jacket and took a sip. He offered it to Armitage, but he politely declined. Despite being twenty-three years old, Armitage never really drank much. He just didn’t see the appeal of getting drunk and forgetting everything that happened while being drunk however, he could still understand how some people used it as a coping mechanism when dealing with death.

“I wish I could bottle up stars” Armitage said absentmindedly. “I used to look at them and think of them as my friends. They were always there for me at night when I felt alone”.

“Really?” Ben chuckled. “I used to think of the people around me to be like stars. The ones who I knew well shone the brightest while those I didn’t know too well were dimmer”. He looked up at the sky.

“Like the stars they were always there for me, until they all disappeared. Everyone I had loved and cared for just left, and so did the stars” Bens eyes started to water up, but he ignored it. “It wasn’t up until when you moved in that the stars came back”. Ben stamped out his cigarette then stood up.

“I’ve gotta go now Hux. Thanks for hanging out with me”. Before Armitage could reply, Ben was already jogging back to his house. As he watched Ben retreat home, he could feel that feeling again, and something sparked in his heart. He welcomed it.

Armitage continued to smoke until there was nothing left of the cigarette apart from the butt. He sat there for a while after he had finished smoking, admiring his peaceful surroundings. When he finally got up to make his way back to his house, the sun had completely set, the stars and the moon being the only thing giving light to his surroundings apart from the street lights in the distance.

Once he had stepped inside his house, he felt his stomach growl, begging for food. He walked to the kitchen and made a cheese sandwich, which wasn’t too full of flavour, but it was enough to fill him up. While he was eating he pulled out his sketchbook onto the dining table and flipped to the page that he had drawn on. Embarrassment slowly consuming him.

It was a drawing of him and Ben kissing. What surprised him the most was how detailed it is, for something he had drawn without paying attention it was incredibly detailed. It was like an exact replica of that dream that he had of them kissing. Ben’s hands were on his cheeks, both their heads were slightly tilted to the sides and both their eyes were shut. He felt a warmth in his heart spread out to the rest of his body. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Feeling the warmth swallow him whole.

For the rest of the night he tried to remember the pose of the mannequin that he was supposed to draw. He managed to create a rough sketch of it without any shadows or details, which was good enough to him. As long as he had some sort of proof that he was doing _something_ in class, everything will be fine.

He carried his sketchbook upstairs into his room and ripped out the drawing of him and Ben kissing. He pulled out the drawer in his bedside table and shoved the drawing in. He looked over at the clock reading ten o’clock. He walked into the bathroom and started getting ready for bed. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked at his pale skin, and the bruise around his neck. The bruise had almost completely faded, all that was left was a very faint yellow mark with little specks of purple. He sighed at his reflection, then continued on with brushing his teeth and changing into his sleeping clothes.

Once he was done he laid down in bed. He was absolutely exhausted from everything that he had done during the day, and was grateful that he had a bed to rest in. As he slowly faded off to sleep he felt eyes on him. Before he was able to react to it he was already fast asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a shorter chapter than usual! I've been super busy with stuff and I've only really had time to write at night. I also apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes I may have missed. Enjoy! :)

Ben was gone. It had been days since Armitage had that evening encounter with the freckle faced man. After that night he didn’t show up to work nor was he seen around town. He was nowhere to be found. After a few days of Ben being missing, Armitage had felt something strange. He felt his heart slow down and felt his stomach do somersaults every time he looked over at Bens house across the street.

The temptation to walk across the street to his house grew with every passing day however, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t too sure if he was scared of Ben not being there, or if he was scared of Ben actually being there. Different scenarios played out in his head day in and day out. He imagined him at his doorstep apologising for leaving for so long. But this was the careless, doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone Ben he was thinking about. He wouldn’t apologise for anything.

Once Armitage had accepted the possible truth that Ben could be gone forever he begun looking for something else to occupy his mind with. He had decided to go through some boxes he had stored in a closet. He was looking for some paintbrushes that he believed were still packed away, then he found a wooden crate in the corner of the closet. It was heavy, and the contents rattled about inside when he picked it up. The side of the crate had black text printed on it that read ‘BATCH’ with a string of unreadable, faded numbers following. He had remembered a stash of these crates in the basement of his parent’s house.

After a while of pulling and wiggling the lid popped right out revealing several bottles of whiskey. Pale hands reached out to pick a bottle up. Armitage intensely examined the black bottle in his hand, constantly turning it around, feeling the surface with his fingertips. Eventually, he twisted the lid open and took a sip. The liquid burnt his throat when it went down, warming his body up with every passing second. It was incredibly pleasant. It filled something up inside him that gave him a great feeling of satisfaction.

He carried the black bottle to the living room and leaned back in the couch, bottle in one hand and an unlit cigarette in the other. Armitage looked through the window at the grey sky and lit the cigarette. A flash of lightning appeared then rain started to pour. Small sips of the whiskey turned into massive gulps that sent him further and further into a buzzing world of joy and sadness mixed together which created the ultimate monster of emotion. He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling, feeling a bubble of laughter build up in his through while tears began to cloud his vision.

Armitage sat there for a while, drowning in confusing satisfaction. His cigarette had accumulated an impressive amount of ash while he was laugh crying at the ceiling. Almost half of the bottle was gone, and he was already tipsy, which was no surprise since he barely ate anything. It was fine though, he didn’t care, he just wanted to feel something other than worry and sadness. He wanted to feel like everything was actually okay for once and that everything would be fine.

He felt like the rain outside was calling out to him. Beckoning for him to come outside. So, he did. He ran out the front door, he didn’t have a jacket on or shoes for that matter. He walked to the edge of the forest where him and Ben had sat nights ago. Mud coated his feet and stained the legs of his pants, but he didn’t care. The contrast between the cold rain hitting his skin the warm feeling he felt inside from all the alcohol brought forward a feeling of tranquillity.

The drops of rain cascaded down the sides of his face, drowning out the internal buzz in his brain. As he sat on the ground against a log and took a deep breath. The sweet smell of fresh rain on grass drew him deeper and deeper into a blissful state. For just a moment he felt pure happiness. He felt like nothing could bring him down. That’s until he began to feel the lost sleep from the previous night catch up on him. With a flutter of his light eyelashes his eyes were closed, and sleep took him away.

-

_Water surrounded Armitage. He was floating in the ocean, or was it a river? His surroundings were volatile. One second, he was in a river and the next second, he was in a bathtub. He slowly sat up and looked around in the dimly lit bathroom. The lights had a slight red tint making everything look a bit more sinister than how they would look in regular lights._

_Armitage pulled himself out of the bathtub and steadied himself by leaning on a sink nearby. He had his clothes on, but they somehow weren’t even the slightest bit soaked with water. His stumbled towards the door of the bathroom and pulled the door open to find himself in his living room. There was that familiar, masculine figure standing near a window facing him. Armitage practically ran towards it and wrapped his arms around the man pulling him into a hug._

_Snow began to fall around them, then Armitage felt arms wrap around him. Securing him in a hug that he wouldn’t be able to escape. Tears began to form in his eyes, then he felt his heart beat faster. He could feel the life flowing through him, he could feel his blood run through his veins, and all the oxygen flowing throughout his body._

_He suddenly felt himself being shaken. The arms wrapped around him shook him violently and he could hear his name being called out by a familiar voice. And so, he followed the voice, back to the real world where all his fears were waiting for him._

-

When Armitage awoke he didn’t expect to see what he saw. That familiar freckled face, the curly hair, and the deep brown eyes. Ben was back. Armitage felt an overwhelming amount of feelings rush to him that had simply left him speechless. He was still exhausted, and he could barely move without feeling pain shoot through his brain.

He was in bed, with clean clothes and wet hair that soaked his pillowcase. Ben was standing next to his bed, looking down on him. He already had his shoes on and began to make his way out of the room, that was until a pale hand shot out from under the blankets, pulling at his jacket.

“stay” Armitage managed to force himself speak through his dry throat. “I… I need you to stay” a tear began rolling down his cheek “I don’t how much longer I can go like this”, he quietly sobbed. Ben pulled a chair up next to his bed and sat down by his bedside, holding Armitage’s hand. That feeling came back to Armitage when he began falling asleep. That spark that lit his soul on fire and made him feel alive. It was addicting like a drug, and he wanted more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trash and I am proud. Most of this was written at like 2am because for some reason I get most of my inspiration really late at night? Hope you guys enjoy this chapter though! :)

The open window in Armitage’s bedroom allowed a cool breeze of wind hit his face, leading him back to consciousness. He remembered Ben holding his hand and noticed the absence of Bens warm hands. He didn’t expect him to stay next to him all night. He knew that he would have eventually gotten up and went back to wherever he disappeared to before.

A small ball of frustration grew within Armitage’s belly. He could not figure out why he would be so upset over a person he barely knows disappearing. Armitage understood that Ben doesn’t belong to him, and that he can go about his own life however he pleases, but he can’t help but feel like he just needs someone like Ben to pick him up when he’s down. He couldn’t help but feel like he needed someone stable like him in his life.

Crystal blue eyes wandered around the room and settled on door to the connecting bathroom. Armitage pulled himself up out of bed and walked over to the sink. His shaky hands reached out to the faucet, adjusting the water to be cold, then splashed his face. Cool water dripped down his chin and onto his grey shirt, leaving a dark trail of water behind.

The only thing Armitage had on during the day was work, which finished a bit earlier than usual due to the owner, Evie, having to greet a family member that was visiting the town for a while. He didn’t care too much about having shorter work hours, in fact he was glad that he didn’t have to work for longer. He just couldn’t handle another day working on his own when Evie was busy in the kitchen.

-

Armitage wasted no time leaving the house and making his way to work. A cigarette was already hanging low between his lips by the time he was out the door. Every heart beat was synced up with his footsteps, a strong beat playing in his head. It was quite a chilly morning, the cold air turning his cheeks and nose pink. Despite wearing what felt like a thousand layers of clothes, it felt like he could never beat the cold.

After a solid twenty minutes of walking, Armitage was standing outside the café. He had already disposed of his cigarette before arriving. He didn’t want to make a bad impression on people passing by, even though most the people already knew who he was by now.

Evie could be seen inside from the store window. She was pulling the chairs off the tables and wiping them down before setting the tables. “Good morning, Evie” Armitage said as he walked inside.

“Good morning, dear” Evie replied with a smile. Armitage put his jacket away in the back room and put his apron on over his black dress shirt. Evie said that it wasn’t necessary to dress too formally, but Armitage didn’t like the idea of coming to work ‘underdressed’.

“Do you know if Ben is coming in today?” Armitage inquired. Evie paused for a moment and her expression changed to something he couldn’t read.

“It appears that he is occupied with…” She shifted on her feel nervously, “something important” she finished. Suddenly Armitage wished he didn’t fall asleep. He wished he stayed awake, so he could talk to Ben, to ask him why he was gone and if he was okay. Alas, he could not turn back time and he highly doubted Ben would have opened up so easily even if he did stay awake.

Armitage went on with helping Evie open up shop and began setting up the cashier. The day appeared to have been going its usual way until Noah walked in.

“Good morning aunt Evie!” Noah exclaimed while walking into the café. Noah made his way to the kitchen in the back, flashing a somewhat sweet smile at Armitage on his way there.

Evie could be heard in the kitchen greeting Noah with a loud ‘oh hello dear!’. Armitage felt his palms grow sweaty remembering Ben’s warning about Noah. _He couldn’t possibly be that bad, right?_ He asked himself. Noah walked out of the kitchen with a plate full of muffins in hand, and a backpack lazily slung over one shoulder. He sat himself down at a table in the corner of the room by a window then pulled out a laptop and a notebook from his backpack.

Armitage did his best to avoid eye contact with him, fearing his gaze would disintegrate him. However, he realised that it was no use, since he was there to help wait tables. Armitage didn’t complain though, in this type of situation any help is good help. At least to him it was.

-

The day went by in the blink of an eye. Armitage was just finishing up closing the café when Noah tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey man, are you doing anything this evening?” Noah questioned. Armitage replied with a quick no and a small smile to politely accompany it. Noah crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a wall.

“Do you wanna go for a drink?” Noah offered, “there’s a pretty good bar not too far away”. Armitage contemplated the offer for a few seconds, asking himself whether it would be a good idea to go or not. _There isn’t much for me to do at home_ he thought to himself, _a drink or two wouldn’t hurt would it?_ He pondered. Finally, he accepted the offer and finished closing up.

-

Noah and Armitage walked in peaceful silence to the bar. The heavy _thump thump thump_ of Noah’s boots was the only thing Armitage could hear as they approached the busier parts of town. Even though this part of town was called ‘busy’ it still didn’t compare to the magnificent city that was about a two-hour drive away.

The windows of the bar were blacked out and there were already drunk people stumbling around outside. Some odd combination of rock, pop, and jazz music could be heard along with the cheering of a large crowd. Noah pushed the door open revealing the dark interior of the bar. The walls were painted black and the lights had a slight red tint which unveiled the situation. A man was on the ground clutching at his face while another man had his fists raised up in the air in a sort of victory stance.

The apparent ‘victor’ helped the man on the ground up and gave him a slap on the shoulder in a friendly fashion, even though he appeared to have beaten the hell out of him. Both men shook hands then the loser pulled out a one-hundred-dollar note from his pocket and handed it over to the victor. Noah didn’t pay any mind to the situation and walked past to sit down at the bar, as if this was a totally normal situation. Armitage felt as if his feet were glued in place and he was stuck, watching these strange things happen before him, and nobody reacting too much to it. He couldn’t help but think _I really don’t belong here._

Quickly, he made his way to Noah and sat down on a bar stool. Noah turned to him and flashed him a smirk that slightly disturbed Armitage. Something about Noah just didn’t feel right but he couldn’t actually figure out what it was. “What do you wanna drink?” Noah managed to say above the music, “it’s on me, you can have anything you want”.

“Whiskey please” Armitage said. Noah nodded with a smile then ordered their drinks together. What they didn’t notice was a man with a black eye walking towards them.

“Heyy, Noah!” he exclaimed as he sat down next to him. His face was stubbly, and he had a cut on his smirking lips. He craned his head slightly to the left to look at Armitage with a massive smile on his face. “What’s up? My name’s Poe Dameron” he said with an outstretched arm, indicating he was reaching out to shake his hand. Armitage reached out and shook it, introducing himself with a smile.

Poe called out to the bartender and ordered something. It took no time until six shot glasses of a clear liquid were served before the three men. “Knock yourselves out fellas” Poe said, wincing halfway through smiling, making his face contort in a weird yet slightly funny manner. Armitage picked up the shot glass and sniffed the liquid, cringing at the potent smell of alcohol. He slowly raised the shot glass to his lips and knocked the alcohol back, causing him to choke a bit on how strong it was. Poe laughed at his reaction to the drink then proceeded to drink his two shots within seconds.

Armitage looked down at his second shot in contemplation. He already felt extremely warmed up and he could feel a buzz resonating from within. His fingers turned the glass around then he downed the shot, feeling more warmth flow down his throat and spread throughout his body.

After a good hour or so filled with countless drinks and talking, Armitage began to space out. Everything was blurry, and he was giggling like a little girl at anything and everything he saw. At some point Poe had switched seats with Noah and had an arm wrapped around Armitage’s shoulder. His words were slurred, and he had a dumb smile on his face. It had felt as if the world was slowing around Armitage, and for some strange reason the thought of that made him laugh his head off.

It had reached a little past midnight when the trio of drunk, giggling, men decided it was time to leave. Both Poe and Noah walked off together, leaving Armitage behind to walk home by himself. As he set foot outside the bar he was instantly greeted by the cold, causing him to instinctively pull his jacket tighter around him. Taking a wobbly step forward, he began his journey back home in the near pitch-black night, dimly lit by the street lights.

A few minutes later he began to feel like he was being stalked. He could feel the intense gaze of someone or something, burning a hole into the back of his head. Armitage looked around rapidly, trying to catch the source of the deathly stare. The darkness harboured the source, driving Armitage to turn his walk into a sprint back home. He could feel a knot in his stomach getting tighter and tighter every time his feet touched the ground, fearing that he might not make it.

Once his house came into view, the knot in his stomach loosened up. He quickly unlocked the front door, ran inside, then slammed the door shut. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he placed his hand over his heart. He could’ve sworn the thumping of his heart has never been this intense ever in his life.

When the adrenaline rush finally wore off, he got in the shower in an attempt to wash the fear from his flesh. By the time he was done it was well past one o’clock. Wet strands of ginger hair stuck to his forehead as he got dressed for bed. Armitage had thoroughly enjoyed his night even though he thought he was going to get murdered.

He embraced the warmth when he pulled the blankets up over his body in bed. Wind blew in from a slightly open window, complementing the warm blankets and creating a rather cosy atmosphere. Armitage turned onto his side and closed his eyes as the sound of the wind slowly lulled him to sleep.

-

Armitage woke up the next morning with yet another painful headache. The unpleasant light made him squint as he dragged himself out of bed to begin his routine. Apparently, while he was out he had received a text from Evie notifying him that there was no work. The corners of his eyes crinkled as an adorable, heart warming smile crossed his face. Pale fingers danced across the screen of his phone, replying too Evie’s message with a ‘thank you’ for notifying him.

He swiftly tossed his phone onto his bed then made his way downstairs for some food. With every step his headache got more and more intense with the regret of drinking too much. Armitage grabbed a bowl of cereal and pretty much almost inhaled the whole thing until the bowl was completely clean. The headache eventually calmed down however it still lingered around dully.

Through the window in the kitchen Armitage could see the backyard. The silhouette of the house offered a nice amount of shade that didn’t totally conceal the sun, but also kept the area cool. Armitage finally decided that he would just hang outside for a while and sketch his surroundings, and to also get some fresh air.

With a sketchbook under one arm and a packet of cigarettes in the other, Armitage pushed the backdoor open and sat himself down in the grass a couple of meters away from the house. Various little flowers of different colours stuck out of the emerald grass. He wasn’t too sure how they managed to grow seeing as how he never planted any flowers since he’s moved in, but regardless of that he enjoyed looking at all the colours surrounding him.

Armitage sat out for a while, sketching his house and everything around it. The lines appeared to flow out of his pencil like a liquid in fluid motions. Eventually, Armitage had pulled out a cigarette and spaced out. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice the blond-haired man creeping up behind him. Suddenly, the man sat himself next Armitage, startling him out of his reverie.

“Morning, Hux” Noah said with an idiotic grin plastered on his face.

“Damnit Noah you scared the hell out of me” Armitage said, frustration evident with the frown forming between his brows. At this point he stopped questioning why he kept getting called by his last name. Noah apologised with a chuckle then went on to ask him how he was feeling, to which Armitage replied.

“Apart from the fact that my head is hurting like hell” Armitage paused to blow out smoke, “I’m doing quite well, and you?”

“I’m doin’ great!” Noah exclaimed. “Just wanted to stop by for a chat and see how you’re doing” for once that mischievous tone in Noah’s voice was gone, making him sound like a genuinely sweet person. The two men talked for about an hour until Noah said he had to leave.

“Sorry Hux, but I’ve gotta get going” Noah said apologetically. “I promised Poe I’d hang out with him this afternoon” Noah said. Armitage told him not to worry about it. They said their farewells, and with that Noah was on his way.

Armitage lingered outside for a while, another cigarette in hand. He took this moment of loneliness to enjoy the afternoon sun, and the nature around him. What he had realised is that nobody really had much time to waste in life. Most people go around wasting their time rather than stopping for a second to appreciate the everything around them. Thinking of this made him feel like every second of his life should be savoured rather than thrown away however, he still felt as if it wasn’t enough to just live in the moment. Despite enjoying the moments where he was alone, he felt as if he was a bit _too_ lonely. He wanted, even _craved_ someone to spend his precious moments of life with. He felt like it would complete him.

Pins and needles began to creep up on his legs when he got up, and a pained expression formed on his face. He went back inside and placed his sketchbook on a table in the kitchen, along with his cigarettes. It took a while for him to notice a slightly bloodied bandage, left on the floor hanging off a dining chair. The sight of blood began making him feel sick, the thought of someone being in his house made him even sicker.

Everything started spinning, his palms grew sweaty, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. The only thing he could think of doing was getting up and running away from home. Any place was a safer place in this type of situation, and he could really use a safe place right about now. Slowly, he rose up and leaned against one of the counters as he slowly made his way to the kitchen sink. The cold splashes of water helped calm his nerves however, he needed more than that. He needed to know that whoever was there in his house was gone, and that whatever or whoever is stalking him will go away for good.

Surprisingly the first thing that he could think of was Ben. His heart jumping at the thought of him being there to protect him made him feel so many different things at the same time, and he loved it. The panic began to fade away as more thoughts of Ben filled his mind. Ben was his guardian protecting him and calming him whether he was there or not. The mere thought of him created a space of peace for Armitage and he wasn’t ashamed of it at all. Ben was so far away yet still so near. Or was he?

Armitage sat down on the floor against the kitchen counter, his head leaning back against it. He tried to grasp at a memory of Bens face, trying to take in every detail he could so he could tattoo his face onto his brain.

The thumping of heavy boots could be heard outside, then the sound of a door opening could be heard, then he was there. The familiar yet foreign Ben, standing right before him. A long scar crossing the right side of his face.

There were so many things Armitage wanted to say to him however, there was only one thing that overruled everything else. It was stuck in his throat, he simply didn’t understand how he could possibly ever say the string of words. It was too overwhelming. Too unreal.

“I…” Armitage began, “I-I” he stuttered. Ben hushed him and sat himself down next to him. An arm made its way around Armitage’s shoulder, pulling him into his chest. A sob made its way out of Armitage’s throat, he threw his hands up to cover his face as the tears came streaming down his face. All of his frustrations and confusion being let out in the form of tears. Ben held him closer.

“It’s okay” Ben cooed. “I know”.


	6. Chapter 6

Armitage ran his fingers across Ben’s face, tracing over the scar, cupping the side of his face. The two of them had sat on the floor for about an hour until Armitage could start calming down again. He was curled up in Bens lap, his head against Bens chest. The combination of his heartbeat, and the sound of his heartbeat and the approaching thunderstorm felt comfortable. He could feel the connection between them. Armitage began to understand what the feeling was, it was a large, overwhelming amount of love, and caring. He admitted it to himself that what he felt is love and that there wasn’t anything he could do about it to change that. He was in a way happy to have feelings for Ben but he just couldn’t seem to say it out loud.

“I love you” Ben said.

Then it struck him. Images of being in a car crash flashed before Armitages eyes. His car flying off the road and landing upside down by a river. The smell of nature hitting his nose, everything around him slowly crumbling away, images of Ben flashing before his eyes. He felt his arms and legs go numb, and he went limp, unable to move. All he could feel was arms wrapped around him – Bens arms wrapped around him.

The words ‘I love you’ echoed in his head, along with a feeling of familiarity and pain. Images of a hospital flashed before his eyes, the feeling of something sharp entering his wrist accompanying it, as well as a voice, Bens voice, whispering in his ear “it’ll be okay Armie”. A drop of liquid fell on Armie’s face, a salty tears dropping onto his face, rolling down his cheeks.

Panic hit Armie like a truck, suddenly he was screaming and crying, thrashing around while Ben was trying to hold him down against him. “I love you too” Armie screamed, hot tears burning his face, falling down as violently as rain during a storm. He screamed again “I love you too, Ben”, he repeated this over and over again until his screams shrunk into a whisper.

He sat there silently crying to himself, trying to piece together what he saw. He didn’t care how he looked in front of Ben, he didn’t care if he looked like a complete idiot crying the way he did. A sharp stinging pain attacked his wrist, he held his hand up, examining his wrist. A small bloody hole was there, it looked as if a needle had been inserted into it. His clothes started changing around him, a hospital gown materialising onto his frail body. He suddenly bolted upright, and he was in a hospital room on a bed. The walls were plain white, with barely any decorations save for a rather unpleasant painting of a droopy flower hung up on the wall opposite to him.

Armies thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door opening and the sound of clanking trays. A nurse walked in, and stopped in his tracks, eyes wide open in shock. He ran straight out the door shouting something Armie was not able to understand. A few seconds later, the door slammed open, and then he saw him. Ben ran in, he was wearing jeans, a leather jacket, and a beanie. He wrapped his arms around Armie, pulling him into a tight hug that squashed all the air out of him. He didn’t know what to do with his arms, he was unsure if he should wrap his arms around him and return the hug or if he should just sit there. He slowly raised his shaky arms and wrapped them around Bens broad chest, embracing him in a weak hug. They were stuck in the awkward embrace for a few seconds until Ben let go to pull up a chair to sit next to the bed.

“Welcome back to the world of the living” a voice said, Armie looked over to the source of the voice, and Noah was standing at the doorway of this room, leaning against the wall. A low chuckle erupted from Bens throat, dusting Armies cheeks with a pink blush. Noah casually strolled over to the end of the bed and held onto the bed frame.

Armie didn’t know what to say, he was confused about what was real and what wasn’t. It was as if the line between imagination and reality had been completely blurred out and everything wasn’t real.

“You’ve been out for almost two months now…” Ben said softly, a mix of sadness and confusion plastered on his face.

“We thought you were gonna die” Noah added

“I… I don’t remember what happened” Armie said “how did this happen?”. Ben looked at Noah, then back at Armie.

“Well” Noah began, “I got a call from Ben, he said that you were in an argument with him and that you were upset so you got up and drove off somewhere. Ben went after you but couldn’t keep up and lost you, then it started raining. About an hour later Ben got a call from the hospital saying that they found you and your car destroyed. You slid off a cliff but luckily you somehow survived.” Noah stuck his hands into the pockets of his jacket and shifted slightly on his feet.

Armie couldn’t remember anything that happened. It was as if his memory was stolen from him. He tried hard to recall everything that happened while he was out but he couldn’t make any connections. He laid back in his bed and stared at the ceiling, rolling over the new information he has learned in his head.

“I’m gonna go get something to eat” Noah said. “I’ll bring ya something back” he added with a wink before walking out of the room. The door closed behind him with a loud thud, leaving Ben and Armitage alone.

Ben turned to Armie, cupping his hands on his cheeks. “I’m so sorry this happened to you” Ben said, his eyes tearing up. Armie looked up at him, his lips were held slightly apart. Ben smelt of cigarettes and whiskey, it was a smell that Armie enjoyed yet it made him feel upset to think that he could be reason for Ben to drink so much that he would constantly smell like alcohol.

“No no, Ben” Armie said hurriedly, “I’m sorry that I left you like that” a tear rolled down Bens cheek and dripped down onto Armie’s forehead.

“No Armie” Ben sniffled, “it’s all my fault”

“What do you mean?” Armie asked, confused.

“I did something awful Armie”, Ben continued, “I did something really awful…”


End file.
